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The Nagualist Newsletter and Open Forum / Issue 2 August / September 1994
Copyright 1994 by Nagualist Newsletter, all rights reserved. Individual submissions by readers and staff of the newsletter are also protected under copyright law. No portion may be reproduced without the written permission of the Nagualist Newsletter and of the individual who made the submission. Additional copies may be available at no charge.

THE ACCIDENT

...[I had] a bicycle accident in the White Mountains of New Hampshire: After wiping out and bouncing off the pavement several times, I came to in a pile of leaves. After I got up, I remember that the other biker I almost hit was there asking me if I was OK.

At the actual time this was going on, I was aware of intense pain and serious ringing in my ears. I was only partially aware that I didn't see the normal person in front of me, but a swirling sort of amorphous cloud of dark light in front of me- it was like something receding from me at tremendous velocity, but still there in front of me. The two colors I remember were a sort of purple and black, in waves that seemed to appear and come out toward me and then get sucked back into the more or less center of the "cloud".

Somehow I "knew" from what I was seeing that this person was absolutely repulsed and wanted very much to get away as soon as possible. It was like fear and something else I didn't understand. I managed to groan out that I would be OK, and he left. I don't remember actually seeing him go, I think I was looking for a place to sit down and collect myself.

It was then I became aware of the fact that wherever I saw sunlight hitting anything, it was not the normal, flat sunlight that I'm used to, it was more rich and golden, and it was like a fog. I thought that if I reached into it, I could pick some up.

About this time, my rational mind kicked in and began telling me that I must have a concussion and that this was a sign of serious head injury. ... As I watched this foggy light, it began to become more intense and then I noticed that all the plants- trees, ferns, grass (no, I wasn't smoking any)- everything was suffused with this foggy light. I noticed that things like the picnic table I managed to stumble to were not permeated with that light, nor was the asphalt of the bike path.

About half a minute (best guess) or so went by as this effect intensified, until it seemed that that was all there was- just this warm, honey gold, mellow foggy light. It was so beautiful, and I began to feel very much like I wanted to just go out and lay down in it and flow out into it, somehow merge with it.

Then I got the most powerful jolt I've ever gotten from myself- it occurred to me, along with an intense anxiety, that I was at some sort of threshold- if I proceeded with the direction I was going, I would die. I felt that so strongly it scared the living hell right out of me. As soon as I felt that I began to see the foggy golden light fade a little and I could see the regular scenery in it.

The weirdest thing about all this is the awesome sadness I felt then. Something in me wanted so much to merge with that light, and when I turned back, the sadness was unfathomable. It lingered until I was nearly back to "normal", and it mostly was gone by the time I collected the parts of my bike and pulled the stick out of my arm that had popped in one spot and out another... It stayed with me very slightly for several days, though, and I've remembered that experience vividly ever since...

Source: Wilbraham, MA 

Nagualist Newsletter and Open Forum / Issue 2 Aug. /Sept. 1994